Thursday, 21 April 2011

Love and Their Lovers



If you see or experience a lack of unity with another person or in the world, just know that this only exists in your mind. The world is whole, completely whole without measure. Any lack of integration or sense that things "don't fit together" is only a creation and separation within your own mind. Seek out what causes this separation and let it go, and a compassion that embraces both as one with be the result.


During the formative phase (the early stage) of our life we learn from errors together. At that time we form pure bonding- many of which last for many years or maybe even till the end of life. These relations strengthen with the passage of time. These become unbreakable with the passage of time. We have the right to feel angry- if our friend does something wrong. However, it is our duty to give advice and help him or her when he or she goes through low phases in life. We need to be the pillars of strengths of our friends.

“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.” -- Aristotle

“Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow.
Don't walk behind me, I may not lead.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.” -- Albert Camus

“To know someone here or there
with whom you can feel
there is understanding
in spite of distances or
thoughts expressed
That can make life a garden.” -- Goethe

Meditation is not just a practice of about getting insight into life. These insights are useless if the self just attaches to them and turns them into another object to create desire and aversion in the world. You must allow the insight to become you so completely that it is an embodiment of life itself and not a single remnant of self is left to call the insight "insight". In this way, meditation becomes your life.



“Those friends thou hast, and their adoption tried,
Grapple them to thy soul with hoops of steel;
But do not dull thy palm with entertainment
Of each new-hatch'd, unfledg'd comrade.” -- William Shakespeare


The glory of friendship is not the outstretched hand, not the kindly smile, not the joy of companionship; it is the spiritual inspiration that comes to one when he discovers that someone believes in him and is willing to trust him with his friendship.” -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Love and Friendship by Emily Bronte

"Love is like the wild rose-briar,
Friendship like the holly-tree --
The holly is dark when the rose-briar blooms
But which will bloom most constantly?
The wild-rose briar is sweet in the spring,
Its summer blossoms scent the air;
Yet wait till winter comes again
And who wil call the wild-briar fair?

"Friendship" is something which is hard to describe. The word "friend" too can mean different things to different people. But the main thing which is known to all is that a friend is someone who will offer a shoulder to cry on, encourage and guide as and when required. What are the adjectives generally used for a friend? Terms used are close friend, best friend, childhood friend, intimate friend, trusted friend, and beloved friend. There are many beautiful friendship poems which celebrate the wonderful bond between friends.


My Best Friend
Today I found a friend,
Who knew everything I felt.
She knew my every weakness,
And the problems I've been dealt.
She understood my wonders,
And listened to my dreams.
She listened to how I felt about life and love,
And knew what it all means.

Not once did she interrupt me,
Or tell me I was wrong.
She understood what I was going through,
And promised she'd stay long

I reached out to this friend
To show her that i care
To pull her close and let her know
How much I need her there

I went to hold her hand
To pull her a bit nearer
And realized that this perfect friend I found
Was nothing but my mirror.

There are many best friendship poems. Some excerpts from another best friendship poem,

The best of friends,
Can change a frown,
Into a smile,
when you feel down.

The best of friends,
Will understand,
Your little trials,
And lend a hand.

The best of friends,
Will always share,
Your secret dreams,
Because they care.

The best of friends,
Worth more than gold,
Give all the love,
A heart can hold.


  • May the Light of lights come to my dark heart;
  • May the Spirit's wisdom come to me from my Saviour.
  • May the peace of the Spirit be mine this night,
  • The peace of the Son be mine this night,
  • The peace of the Father be mine this night,
  • The peace of all peace be mine this night,
  • Each morning and evening of my life.

Saturday, 19 March 2011

Single Phobia

Single phobia

Everyone knows someone who flits from one relationship to the next, who’ll finish with one partner only when they’ve got another one lined up, and who haven’t slept alone since 1998. Well, believe it or not, there’s an official name for the fear of the terrifyingly exotic world of singledom: anuptaphobia. You can even be treated for it in extreme circumstances.
But what is it about the single life that makes some people run frantically from one long term relationship to the next, or worse, believe that a bad relationship is better than none at all?

No one to cuddle at night
Those who are used to a bed companion find it hard to envisage life without one. A bed friend certainly has its advantages – especially in the chilly climes of winter when you have a human hot water bottle that doesn’t need preparing and remains warm throughout the night.
Some singlephobics even report not being able to sleep if their partner’s away for the night. We say buck up your ideas and recognise the advantages, and these are plentiful: no extra noise (be that snoring, heavy breathing or flatulence), no duvet hogging, and the total freedom to commit these antisocial acts yourself


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Get your cuddles elsewhere – parents, friends, even work colleagues. If you’re feeling brave, why not give the surly guy on security a squeeze, you may even elicit a smile (out of sheer terror if nothing else). Scientific research even shows that hugs have health benefits such as reducing blood pressure and alleviating stress. In short, restricting yourself to just one hugging companion is actually bad for your health.


No automatic plus ones
For a lot of people a partner is a social crutch – the one you automatically drag along to parties, family engagements and dinners. They are your excuse to leave early and your chaperone home when you’ve had a bit too much to drink. If you’re used to this form of instant company wherever you go, it can be an utterly terrifying prospect to go it alone.

But how many times have you gone to a party and been lazy about chatting to new people because you already have someone there? Singledom allows a social freedom that is as exciting as it is scary, but it shouldn’t be phobia worthy.
[yummy-cakes-photos.jpg]
Lack of completeness
For some permapartner advocates, it’s as though we were designed to cope with life autonomously until adulthood, at which point our coping resources run out and we need someone else to make up the deficit. And to think all those poor single people having to cope with the daily onslaught of decision making all on their own like what colour toilet paper to buy and what their opinion is on the current state of the world.

These people tend to be the biggest ‘we’ offenders too. ‘We love the Algarve’, ‘we’re giving up alcohol for a month’. For these people being single is a tragic and evolutionarily defunct state of being. We think this is a bit silly.

It’s hard to find someone else
For some people, the fear of loneliness trumps all other valid reasons for getting out of a bad relationship. Most of us have probably experienced this to a greater or lesser degree – sticking with a relationship that’s going nowhere and justifying how bad it makes us feel by somehow convincing ourselves that the alternative – singledom, and the scary prospect of how long it will take for the next partner comes along – is enough reason to plough on.

In fact there’s nothing quite so powerful as the loneliness that can be experienced in a loveless/destructive/dysfunctional relationship, and being able to recognise this is a bigger challenge than the seemingly terrifying prospect of finding someone else.

All friends are in couples
If you’ve been with your partner for a while then often your social life tends to evolve into a couple-fest of double dates or, at best, activities that to cater best for couples. Your partner gets on well with such-and-such’s partner, and everything is convenient and cosy, so much so that ending a relationship means more than just splitting up with someone, it’s potentially pulling down your group’s social structure at its foundations.


Scary stuff? Not really. Social groups evolve to suit its constituent parts. Being newly single will make you approach friendships differently. |Looking outside of the couples’ bubble means you are no longer looking for couple compatibility, it’s about your interests and opinions. And you’ll probably find yourself getting to see a new and interesting side to your old friends too.


People will wonder what’s wrong with you
There’s nothing worse than someone in a relationship asking you why you’re single. It makes you feel instantly inferior, judged and ready for the leper colony. It also requires you to come up with some sort of plausible answer and as you scan your brain for a suitable response, inevitably all your old insecurities (too fat/crap in bed/halitosis) pop up to say hello. And before you know it you’re apologising for your marital status and promising to try harder.



But judgement on this scale really is in the eye of the beholder. Ultimately it is up to you how much other people’s opinion effects how you feel about your situation.

The L-word

“I love you.” They may look little, but they’re the three biggest words in the English language.

They carry a lot on their shoulders. Say them at the right time, and it’s bliss. But blurt them out too soon, and it’s deeply uncomfortable – and it may kill a fledgling relationship.

Their absence can weigh heavy, too. If you’re in a relationship that seems happy, secure, exciting and serious (or getting that way), but your man can’t or won’t say “I love you,” it’s frustrating. It can also make you feel very insecure.

If it’s any consolation, every newly-coupled man and woman is scared of the L word. Read on to find out why, and what to do about it.


1. Don’t jump too soon

When you get together with a man, those first few weeks are an ecstatic whirlwind of lust and goo-goo-eyes. You’re high as a kite. He is perfect. You’re bursting to say “I love you”.

Take a tip: shut up. Here’s why:


Oh, the shame…

If you’ve ever said it to someone who didn’t feel the same way, you’ll curl up in shame at the memory. You said: “I love you,” and your new boyfriend said: “what? Oh…”. He knew that it was too soon; and suddenly you did, too.
Point of no return
This awful moment is all the worse for being a point of no return. You sound desperate and rob yourself of dignity. It’s a serious passion-killer, and kills the momentum between you. In other words, you’ve strangled your relationship at birth.


Rose-tinted specs

If you think he’s perfect, you know it’s too soon to say you’re in love. You’re infatuated with him, so you can’t see his faults. Only when you know and accept his faults can you be sure that you love him.


Embrace your lust

In the early weeks of a relationship, you want to spend 24 hours a day having sex and/or gazing into his eyes and/or nuzzling his armpit. You’re in giddy, besotted lust – and lucky you! Embrace it, because it doesn’t last long. Don’t spoil it by blurting out “love”.


2. How to time it right


Count to three


Leave it until you’ve been dating for at least three months. By this time, the druggy high is wearing off and you know that it’s not just a fling. You also know each other better, which means that you’re idealising each other a little less.


Five is the magic number

Waiting five or even six months to say “I love you” may seem like a stretch, but it shows that you really mean it. Your man will know you’ve really given it thought. You know him very well now, so saying “I love you” for the first time is a huge compliment.


Give things a boost

Leaving it this long also helps your relationship move on. By the six-month stage, you may start to mourn the loss of that early pie-eyed magic. Hearing “I love you” for the first time takes your relationship to a new stage in a way that it could never do on date number three.


3. How (not) to say it


Business time

Don’t say “I love you” for the first time just after sex. Or, needless to say, while you’re mid-way through the deed. You’re giddy and sexed-up and not exactly clear in the head. When a man says “I love you” during sex, he generally means: “Oooh I love that…”


Boozy blurting

Don’t blurt it out when you’re drunk, at least not the first time. Drunken “I love you”s are best left to beer-swilling mates who’ve got Carlsberg dribbling down their T-shirts.


Up close and personal

Say it in person. Your first “I love you” is a big moment and should be accompanied by at least some chance of eye contact and canoodling. After that, it’s fine to utter the L word by phone, text or whatever.


Do you…?

Don’t ask if they love you back. “I love you… do you love me too?” makes you sound insecure, and is bound to lead to an awkward moment. Let him say it if he wants to

When he won’t say it

He may be terrified of making a fool of himself. If you’ve been together a while, don’t be scared to say it first. But if he never says it at all (the “I shouldn’t have to say it, you should know” brigade), he may not be emotionally literate enough for you. Who needs a dinosaur who can’t express his feelings?


The coward’s option

If you’re itching to say it and you think the time is right, but you’re not sure that it’s reciprocated, say: “I think I may be falling for you.” If he gets an “eek” look in his eyes, cut your losses. Say “…but you know, I’m just not sure what I want.” And run for your life.


I want a good man to settle down with-Is it you?

"Tired of Being Alone" is a soul song written by Al Green that became popular in the early 1970s and remains popular to this day, being a score in popular shows such as Nip/Tuck. It reached #11 on the Billboard Hot 100 and # 7 on the Hot Soul Singles Chart
When everyone has someone but you
I am looking for my missing part

A single friend recently pointed out how even seemingly innocuous events can make a singleton feel isolated. Whilst on holiday in France, she’d happened across a lovely rustic bistro and decided to stop and treat herself to a slap-up meal. When the waiter realised she was dining solo, he led her too the most cramped table in the whole restaurant which happened to be right next to the loos. To add insult to injury, when she later decided to order, she was told that the mouth-watering Chateaubriand she had her eye on wasn’t suitable as it was a dish for two.

It seems that singles often end up paying a tariff for their single status from shelling out ‘single’ supplements for the privilege of staying in a hotel room for one to supermarket deals which bypass the needs of the single shopper in favour of bold ‘2 for 1’ deals.

Even though, just under half the UK population claim to not be in a relationship, society seems ever more geared towards looking after the needs of couples and families. So if you’re single, it can start to feel as though you’re the only one around who hasn’t found ‘The One’. Fortunately, there are a few simple ways to assert your rights as a single person and learn to cope in a world where it feels like the odds are against you.


Make new friends

If your usual circle of friends has turned into couples central, make some new ones! Take up a new hobby or learn a new skill and you’ll soon discover that you’re not the only single person in town. Whether it’s learning to knit, joining a book group or taking up sailing, group activities are a wonderful way to meet new people. Make the most of these encounters with like-minded folk and foster friendships. Firm friendships will be what see you through tough times so it’s worth investing some emotional energy further a field than your immediate social circle.




Eating out
Dining alone shouldn’t mean being shoved in a corner or on an uncomfortably high bar stool. If you think you’re being discriminated against for flying solo it’s perfectly acceptable to take your custom elsewhere. If there’s an item on the menu that says it’s for two, ask the staff if they’ll bag up the other half for you to take home. Order a bottle of wine and take home what’s left. Don’t waste your time worrying what the staff or other customers think. What’s it to them? The key is to be firm but polite. Remember: you don’t have to defend yourself for being single.

Shopping

It’s not fair but supermarkets do offer bigger discounts if you buy in bulk and that’s a false economy for the single shopper right? No, not if you’re a smart single. By taking a fellow single friend or relation shopping, you can both maximize on those bumper saving, bulk deals. Okay so you’re lists might not be identical, but you’ll both benefit from a few offers without overspending.

Weddings

Weddings needn’t be the singleton’s worst enemy. Okay so you have to endure watching yet another couple walk down the aisle and declare their love for one another, but you also get to meet a brand new set of people. So make the most of it and work the room. You never know who you might meet.


Dinner parties

If you’ve ever been a dinner party guest where you’re the only single in a sea of couples, you’ll know how awkward it can feel. Just showing up with an extra guest would be impolite, so ask whoever’s throwing the party if you can bring along a friend in advance. Most people will be too embarrassed to turn you down.

Following the crowd



Three’s a crowd?
Tagging along with a couple doesn’t need to be awkward and can even be quite fun from time to time, but when couples are overtly affectionate and demonstrative, it can feel quite isolating. So, if your friend insists on seeing you with their other-half in tow, make it clear how you feel. Tell him/her that while you’re happy they’ve found love, you’d rather not play third wheel every time you go out together and ask them to make time to see you separately. They’ll appreciate your frankness.

Presents
While you don’t give gifts to receive them, try totting up the number and cost of presents you’ve bought as a single compared those you’ve received from couples. On birthdays you buy them something individually, on yours they give you a joint gift. Not to mention the umpteen wedding, christening and children’s birthday gifts you shell out for over the year. Most of us aren’t brave enough to do a Carrie Bradshaw and set up our own department store gift list, but it is possible to be smart without being stingy when buying presents. Where possible pool together with friends to buy joint gifts and you’ll end up substantially less out of pocket.



Enjoy your freedom
Spending your time obsessing over people who have found love will only leave you feeling down in the dumps. Instead of focussing on the negative, take time to appreciate the benefits of being single. You don’t have to put up with someone elses in-laws at weekends, you have full control of the TV remote, you can make last minute plans at the drop of a hat and you don’t have to compromise or make annoying sacrifices for the sake of your partner. Being single does have its advantag

Friday, 11 February 2011

7 reasons why sex is good for your health

Sex on Valentine's Day and the Day After

Don’t worry about the calories in those Valentine's Day chocolates – a proper celebration in the bedroom can help keep you in shape.

In fact, sex can benefit your health in many ways. Here are seven reasons to give and get a little love – not just this special day, but any time.

Good for the heart

Sex is good for your heart. Like any physical exertion, sex is a form of cardio-exercise, which gets your heart pumping faster and helps it stay in shape. What's more, studies have shown that men who have sex two or more times per week cut their risk of a fatal heart attack by half.

Helps you lose weight

Like any form of exercise, sex helps you lose weight. Having sex for 30 minutes can burn off 85 calories. To put that in perspective: 15 minutes on the treadmill could burn up to 200 calories; 42 of these half-hour sessions, then, could shave a pound off your weight.

Boosts your immune system

While it's possible to contract a wide range of diseases, both from sex and from simple contact with others, safe sex between healthy partners can make you better equipped to fight illness.

Those who have sex once or twice a week have been shown to have higher levels of immunoglobulin A or IgA, an antibody which helps protect you from respiratory diseases like the cold and flu.

Don’t go overboard, though – in studies, those who had sex three or more times a week had the lowest levels of antibodies.

Reduces the risk of prostate cancer

For younger men, sex reduces the risk of prostate cancer. Researchers have found that men in their 20s who had five or more ejaculations per week were one third less likely to develop the cancer in later life. Although they found no such correlation for older men, you could try to prove them wrong.

Relieves stress

There's a medical explanation for the mood boost sex gives you. The brain releases endorphins during and after sex, and these neurotransmitters create a feeling of euphoria while masking the negative effects of stress.

Researchers have also found that sex lowers your blood pressure, which is good for your health and allows you to better keep your cool in stressful situations.

It relieves pain

Endorphins and lower blood pressure also mean that sex relieves pain. Endorphins are released during sex because of the heightened levels of the hormone oxytocin in your body. This has been known to alleviate arthritic and menstrual pain, among other things. Lower blood pressure can also help relieve migraines.

It helps you sleep

In addition to relieving stress and pain, the oxytocin generated during sex helps you sleep better. Sex relaxes you, promoting deeper, more restful sleep. What more do you need?

Sunday, 30 January 2011

The Questions Every Couple should ask

Asking about one another's finances and secret addictions before getting married or moving in together is essential if a couple's relationship is to last the distance, according to Bross Bennett.


The list of straightforward and decidedly mundane questions was put together as a separate study by

website unbiased.co.uk found that January is the busiest month for divorce lawyers.

Here are some of the questions lawyers say couples should ask before committing to one another:

Finances

Do you know the extent of each other's assets?

How does each of you view sharing these assets?

Do you have the same attitude to saving?

Family Ties

What sort of relationship do you have with your extended family?

Are they local? Over-involved?

Have you had any major fallings out?

Children


Do you want children? How many?

How do you want to raise your children? What sort of values do you want to pass on?

Do you have opposing views about the benefits of state versus private education?

Work

Are your respective career paths compatible?

Will you want to give up work when you have children?

What does your partner think about this?

Roles


Will you expect to live along traditional lines - woman as homemaker and man as bread-winner?

Who will organise the finances?

Will household responsibilities be shared equally?

Leisure


Do you like the same things?

Do you have the same idea of a dream holiday?

Lifestyle

Do you have any secret addictions, such as handbags, shoes, chocolate or football?

Honesty


Do you still hold feelings for old flames?

Religion

What religion - if any - will you bring the children into?

By: Nick Collin


Saturday, 18 December 2010

LONELINESS & I

Quotes from Nirvana Upanishad

1) Without knowing the self, there is no immortality.

2) Letting go of fear, attachment, grief and anger is the sannyasin’s renunciation.

He savors only the taste of his oneness with the ultimate reality.

3) Patience is the sannyasin’s carry-bag. Indifference is his loincloth. Conscious thought is his staff.

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4) Oneness with the beyond is his message of salvation. The non-duality of eternal bliss is his god. Mastery of the inner senses is his guiding light.

5) Shunya, the void, is not just symbolic: it is the existence of the divine.

(Brahman) is realized by discrimination (of the real from the unreal) (and) it is beyond the reach of the mindand speech.

6) Awareness is the sannyasin’s protection; Compassion is his only play; Bliss is his mala – his bead necklace; The aloneness of the inner cave is his posture; Unwavering joy is his only dialogue. Unplanned are his alms.

7) This world is transitory. One who has taken birth in it, is living as if in a dream, as false as an elephant seen in the clouds. In the same way, your desires and imaginations are the result of the impact of the body and the senses; they are all illusions, like a rope that appears to be a snake. So the aim is to realize the brahman, the ultimate reality.

8) Through yoga, the sannyasin constantly experiences the blissful self.
The only alms he longs for is bliss. Even deep in a cemetery, he lives as if in a pleasure-garden.
Aloneness is his only abode. He tirelessly strives for the light. His movement is into no-mind. His body is clean and pure.

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Non-dependence is his refuge. His activities are like a playing, dancing river.

Love and Aloneness – Unravelling the ego and pride

There is a most bizarre word the media and the psychologists have begun to use to describe loneliness in our societies: they say it has become an epidemic. An epidemic! A description normally reserved for extremely prevalent and widespread diseases – that is what this state of mind has become.


And the statistics back it up. A third of the citizens of many civilized countries admit to suffering from extreme loneliness. And the impact on our physical health one study reported that isolated men were 25% more likely to die than those in a relationship, and the women 33% more likely.

lonelygirl.jpg

Why is loneliness so painful? There are many reasons – but there is one in particular I’m starting to notice. Loneliness is a curse because we don’t know who we are – and that is our basic anxiety. When you are alone, all your self knowledge, your identity, your personality –your ego begins to unravel. The deeper into your aloneness you go, the more you see all your self-knowledge as they are – false.

And it is scary – what you have known your entire life – false! It is so scary that much of our culture is based around this fear. Social clubs, associations, political parties, and even cafés – they all exist for one thing: so one can avoid being alone. And what if we are by ourselves? Then we turn to music, alcohol, the television, the Internet – all to avoid being in our own company.

But the strange thing is – losing our false identity, it is a blessing. It can be scary, yes, but when we turn around and face it – when we turn our loneliness into aloneness –that is when we begin to experience what is real.

When you are alone, everything that you have disowned, everything that you refuse to accept or acknowledge – they begin to arise. We begin to truly know ourselves, to see the genuine. And that is not something that can be told – it has to be experienced.

Comparison – the unravelling of the self

The first thing we have to know is – when we are in a crowd, we think we know who we are. You are American, Vietnamese, Indian. Why? Because you look around and there are people who look different. Everyone calls you by your name, so that is who you are. Everyone acknowledges your title, your job description – they call you Mister, Missus, Madam, Doctor, Reverend, and that is what you think you are.

You are beautiful, because those around you are ugly. You are tall, because your neighbours are short. You are poor, because they live in mansions. You are rich, because some live in cardboard boxes.

But who you are, is not any of these. As Osho said – your heart is neither European nor African, tall nor short, poor nor rich. Who you are is beyond these little labels.

And when you are completely alone, there is no one to compare to. There is no false standard to measure yourself by – and that is when all these labels and false layers start to unravel. Your identity, your very personality, begins to disappear.

And all our lives, that is who we think we are. Our identity card, our driver’s license, and our passport. Our history, our descriptions, and our reputations. Our jobs and our accomplishments. And when that falls away…some peopleit a form of death.

What is left? The genuine. I can’t describe it – I haven’t gone there yet. But the deeper I have gone, the more I realise how beautiful it is. To go completely into aloneness, to find the real – I can’t think of anything I’d want more.

So, go and be alone. Not lonely, just alone. Accept and heal whatever bubbles to the front. Throw away all your masks and your false faces. Go away from society. Stop being afraid of loneliness, and just be alone. Let it become your mirror, the perfect mirror, to see who you really are.

And one day – when you feel ready, when you can say that you have known yourself, taken delight and found Love in yourself. That is when your butterfly comes out of the chrysalis. And this process is different for everyone. How long does it take? I’ve been alone for close to a year – and there is still so much to find!

The proud and the egotistical

And comparison leads us perfectly to a question that I have been pondering for a long time: What of those who are so proud and egotistical? What is the difference between being selfish, and of being self loving?

Love for oneself, for one’s totality – the heart, body, and soul – is perhaps the biggest accomplishment one can ever achieve. Someone who has such Love becomes joyful, peaceful, and content. It is impossible for one who knows Love to be hurtful. I know a few such people – they are the most humble women and men one can ever meet.

And just as someone who loves their garden will spend hours planting roses, picking out weeds, and smelling the fragrances – so, too will such people take pleasure in who they are.

touch of souls - Amaliapolis, Magnisia

Such people exude an indistinct anger and hatred. They make themselves feel better at the expense of those they come into contact with. They have boosted themselves by trampling on you. They spit on others – “I must be higher than they are if I can spit downwards” – that is their rationale. Everything they have – all their self worth and power – is based on judgement and comparison, based on having someone underneath them!

Almyros forest Kouri chapel - Almyros, MagnisiaVanity, egotism, and pride – they all hide a subtle unhappiness, a cleverly disguised animosity. All hatred is self-hatred – and this lies hidden underneath their actions. And that is why they belittle others. Some of the overt ones rage, or yell – and it is all just an externalisation of their internal self-violence. All their strength, their confidence – just a flimsy façade.

The vain and selfish

And the second thing: their worth is based on comparison. In fact, if taken to an extreme, pride becomes a form of personality disorder – narcissism. And this is the parable that Osho used to explain perfectly. All I can do is use the same story.

The story of Narcissus is a well known one – a young man who was so beautiful that he fell in love with his own reflection in the water. And there lies the difference. A humble man falls in love with himself; a vain man falls in love with his reflection.

Hoa Thủy Tiên trắng - Narcissus

And in that reflection – the comparison we’ve been discussing. The psychology manuals list the traits of the personality disorder concretely: A modern day Narcissus believes he is special, that he is more beautiful than others, that he deserves more. She is arrogant; she demands attention and constant admiration. She takes advantage of others, with total disregard for their feelings.

How egotistical! And that’s exactly what it is – pride stems from the ego. Comparison strengthens it. Take them away from the crowd, give them no one to compare to, and their pride and their façade falls apart. When they have no one to trample on and sneer at, the truth is revealed, the ugliness in them arises.

I remember a few beautiful women; they spent hours on their make-up and clothes, and they constantly belittled other women. They seemed to have unshakeable self confidence – but when I got to know them better, all their insecurities – often about their looks! – rose to the fore. And it didn’t make sense initially – many women would kill to look like them, most men couldn’t take their eyes off them. Such empty egoistic pride – it doesn’t stand up to the test of aloneness.

.

Love is totally different. I have heard: In Love, there is no split, there is no other. The lover and the loved all melt into one. Narcissus – he was split. His object of affection wasn’t himself, it was his reflection.

Fake love rejects – when there is perceived imperfection, fake love kicks away. Real Love knows no comparison. When there is perceived imperfection, real love deepens. It holds even tighter.

forest Kouri the Mirror - Almyros, Magnisia

Know Love – ego and pride, are the opposites of Love. Cultivate Love, and watch as they dissolve.

Definition of Fear of loneliness


Loneliness is a feeling where people experience a powerful surge of emptiness and solitude. Loneliness is more than the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Someone who is lonely may find it hard to form human contact.
One of the first recorded uses of the word "lonely" was in William Shakespeare's Coriolanus.
Fear of loneliness: An abnormal and persistent fear of loneliness, of being alone. Sufferers of this fear experience undue anxiety even though they realize that being alone does not threaten their well-being. They may worry about being ignored and unloved, or they may worry about intruders, strange noises or the possibility of developing a medical problem.

Fear of loneliness is termed "autophobia" , a word derived from two Greek words: "autos" (self) and "phobos" (fear). "Autos" has given us many English words such as "automatic" and "automotive" (self-moving) and "autonomy" (self-governing). And "phobos" has bequeathed us a vast number of phobias such as "claustrophobia " (fear of closed places) and "acrophobia" (fear of heights).
**..... see my WS1+2 another captured
P.R.People can experience loneliness for many reasons, and many life events are associated with it. The lack of friendship relations during childhood and adolescence, or the physical absence of meaningful people around a person are causes for loneliness, depression, and involuntary celibacy. At the same time loneliness may be a symptom of another social or psychological problem (for example chronic depression) which should be analyzed.

Many people experience loneliness for the first time when they are left alone as an infant. It is also a very common though normally temporary consequence of divorce or the breakup or loss of any important long-term relationship. In these cases, it may stem both from the loss of a specific person and from the withdrawal from social circles caused by the event or the associated sadness.

Loss of a significant person in one's life will typically initiate a grief response; here, one might feel lonely, even in the company of others. Loneliness may also occur after the birth of a child, after marriage or any socially disruptive event, such as moving from one's home town to a university campus. Loneliness can occur within marriages or similar close relationships where there is anger, resentment, or where love cannot be given or received. It may represent a dysfunction of communication. Learning to cope with changes in life patterns is essential in overcoming loneliness.... etc...For You All out There and Me

~ Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for. ~Dag Hammarskjoldsilver lake - Amaliapolis, Magnisia

No one would choose a friendless existence on condition of having all the other things in the world.

- Aristotle

No my friend, darkness is not everywhere, for here and there I find faces illuminated from within; paper lanterns among the dark trees.- Carole Borges

To dare to live alone is the rarest courage; since there are many who had rather meet their bitterest enemy in the field, than their own hearts in their closet.- Charles Caleb Colton

Ships that pass in the night, and speak each other in passing, Only a signal shown, and a distant voice in the darkness; So on the ocean of life, we pass and speak one another, Only a look and a voice, then darkness again and a silence.

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Poems on Loneliness

by Sri Chinmoy

Smile my heart smile.

You will see loneliness
Nowhere.

***

Do not blame Heaven
And do not blame earth
For your loneliness.
You are travelling the ways of loneliness


Because your mind has not tried to conquer
The darkness of frustration-frown.

***

A doubting mind
Is forced to live
In the prison of loneliness.

***

When our self-offering
Comes to the fore,
Loneliness
Is bound to disappear.

***

My world-oneness-heart

Is a perfect stranger
To loneliness.

***

There is nothing terribly wrong with feeling lost, so long as that feeling precedes some plan on your part to actually do something about it. Too often a person grows complacent with their disillusionment, perpetually wearing their "discomfort" like a favourite shirt.- Jhonen Vasquez

Oh, sweet sorrow, the time you borrow, will you be here when i wake up tomorrow?- Katherine Wolf

Loneliness the clearest of crystal insight into your own soul, its the fear of one's own self that haunts the lonely.- Keith Haynie

Life dies inside a person when there are no others willing to be-friend him. He thus gets filled with emptiness and a non-existent sense of self-worth.- Mark R. J. Lavoie

Music was my refuge. I could crawl into the spaces between the notes and curl my back to loneliness.- Maya Angelou

There is no pleasure to me without communication: there is not so much as a sprightly thought comes into my mind that it does not grieve me to have produced alone, and that I have no one to tell it to.- Michel Eyquem De Montaigne

There is absolutely no point in sitting around and feeling sorry for youself. The great power you have is to let go ... focus on what you have, no that which has been mean or unkindly removed. - Minnie Driver

When Christ said: "I was hungry and you fed me," he didn't mean only the hunger for bread and for food; he also meant the hunger to be loved. Jesus himself experienced this loneliness. He came amongst his own and his own received him not, and it hurt him then and it has kept on hurting him. The same hunger, the same loneliness, the same having no one to be accepted by and to be loved and wanted by. Every human being in that case resembles Christ in his loneliness; and that is the hardest part, that's real hunger.- Mother Teresa

The person who tries to live alone will not succeed as a human being. His heart withers if it does not answer another heart. His mind shrinks away if he hears only the echoes of his own thoughts and finds no other inspiration.

- Pearl S. Buck

There's a cold wind blowing softly through a narrow, dark ravine. A sound is heard, soft and everywhere, like the rustle of silk. It echoes from every dismal reaching corner of the abyss, and whispers of the aching loneliness within the crevasse. A cold, blue-white light transcends an aura of weird lifelessness to the jagged rocks of the cleft walls. There appears a soul within all of this, like a thin frail mist, congealing within its center -- a tiny translucent gray cloud.- Ralph Kenyon, 1962

There is no greater sorrow than to recall in misery the time when we were happy.- Dante

We're all lonely for something we don't know we're lonely for. How else to explain the curious feeling that goes around feeling like missing somebody we've never even met?

- David

Foster Wallace

The most I ever did for you was to outlive you. But that is much.

- Edna St. Vincent Millay

The end comes when we no longer talk with ourselves. It is the end of genuine thinking and the beginning of the final loneliness. The remarkable thing is that the cessation of the inner dialogue marks also the end of our concern with the world around us. It is as if we noted the world and think about it only when we have to report it to ourselves.- Eric Hoffer

With some people solitariness is an escape not from others but from themselves. For they see in the eyes of others only a reflection of themselves.

- Eric Hoffer

I know the night is not the same as the day: that all things are different, that the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started.

- Ernest

Hemingway, "A Farewe


Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone, and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone. Paul Tillich

Little do men perceive what solitude is, and how far it extendeth. For a crowd is not company, and faces are but a gallery of pictures, and talk but a tinkling cymbal, where there is no love.

Francis Bac on

One may have a blazing hearth in one's soul, and yet no one ever comes to sit by it. Vincent Van Gogh

Loneliness - alexandre Buisse


Are you lonely? Perhaps it’s because God has allured you into a quite place to speak tenderly to you. Isaiah 43:5 became a cherished verse to me then: “I will give you the treasures of darkness, riches found in secret places.” There are riches to be found in the wilderness. Treasures awaiting those going through lonely days.

boardwalk.jpg

Who knows what true loneliness is -- not the conventional word but the naked terror? To the lonely themselves it wears a mask. The most miserable outcast hugs some memory or some illusion. Joseph Conrad

No matter how lonely you get or how many birth announcements you receive, the trick is not to get frightened. There's nothing wrong with being alone. Wendy Wasserstein